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Silly Concepts in Stealth Games
Stealth games are one of the hardest type of games for me to play, personally. Going from the usual run-and-gun style games to walking at a snail's pace definitely changes how I am used to playing. Here are ten dumb concepts in stealth games that will make most gamers laugh.
10. Absurdly Observant Guards
Stealth games like Thief and Metal Gear Solid tend to have guards. They are usually doing patrols and making sure to keep an eye out for the nearest sign of trouble. However, there are times when the guards become a little too good at their jobs, like being able to see the player from a far distance. Maybe you were taking out one of their close friends and the guard manages to see you and sound the alarm. The little things like that make me wonder how I can possibly break in quietly.
9. Hmm Must Have Been the Wind
Skyrim has had many jokes made about it, especially about the way characters with high sneak levels are able to slaughter dozens of guards without anyone noticing a thing. Additionally, when you kill dozens of guards, they stop looking for you very quickly. In the Phantom Pain, I killed a lot of the guards, and within a minute or two the remaining ones gave up the search for me. Honestly, now you are just asking for death, guys. You would think they could hear the cries of agony coming from their slowly dying buddies. Apparently you would be wrong.
8. The Leg Day
In order to sneak across the many worlds and levels of stealth games you need to be quiet, lay low, and try to not be seen. Some guys overdo it. Crouch walking is the beloved method of making characters fast while still keeping low. Some practitioners are Solid Snake, any stealth user in The Elder Scrolls, and the Ghost Recon Squad from Tom Clancy. While crouch walking might be useful when patrolling the halls of a secret military facility, it would take a toll on your body. Seriously, walking like that for hours (or even days) like some guys do in games would just make you crazy sore.
7. Detecting a Disturbance
In some games, the developers are nice enough to give you a detection meter, something that tells you when you're about to be spotted. Since this is a game, it really makes no sense. Elite trained warriors and soldiers view you for a certain amount of time, but as long as your meter doesn't hit peak, you'll be fine. You're more likely to be attacked on the spot if such a thing were to happen in real life. It is a nice little novelty, but super unrealistic.
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6. I Lost the Cold Blooded Killer, Oh Well
In stealth games, killing an enemy can prove to be less helpful than dangerous. Chances are, another guard might waltz over and notice you while whistling a merry tune. Some games, like the Metal Gear Solid franchise, make killing hazardous. Someone will spot a body and then go search for the culprit. Suddenly, the guard will pause and inform another guard that they couldn't find the killer, then proceed on his merry way. Honestly. That mad man just killed your best buddy Joe, how can you let that slide? Go on the hunt for this murderous intruder. Don't just forget about it, you nincompoop!
5. I Spot Him, So We All Spot Him
I have been a victim of this mechanic multiple times. It gets so annoying! Basically, when one guy spots you, all the guards automatically know where you are. Some games, like those that give the guards some form of communication, go the extra mile to make it make sense. One guard spots you, so all the others are informed of your location (even if they don't say where you are at, but details, details). Other games don't even try for realism. You might be going stealth on these fools and suddenly one guy sees you. Next thing you know, all you can see is bullets flying at you from every direction. It gets annoying when one guy spots you and then somehow all the other guys know where you are. Even if they have walkie-talkies, I still call bull.
4. I Did It From the Shadows, So It's Stronger
Stealth games are all about shadows and espionage. Being able to sneak around a heavily guarded base is a priority, but sometimes you just have to do a bit of killing. Skyrim has a mechanic where if you do an attack from stealth without being seen, it does a lot more damage, which is strange. I mean, you are stabbing somebody one way or the other. Thief takes pride in doing a stealth game really well. While you can fight in the game, chances are you won't last long. Doing stealth kills and attacks will do more damage. Nice of them!
3. A Head Bobbing and Finger Shuffling Time
In video game scenarios, there are a lot of buildings, even in war-torn radioactive places like Fallout. Chances are, you'll be able to hide behind said houses and walls. In many games, the top of your head might still be showing, or your fingers when climbing along the walls. Yes, yes it's a game and not real life, but if you can't even see a head moving, you might as well quit your job.
2. I Can See Through Walls
When it comes to stealth, there isn't a better ability than being able to see through walls. This power is helpful, but it really but takes away much of the threat. Some games like The Last of Us and Tomb Raider have a certain mechanic, using a certain ability the main character has but never really speaks about, s/he can see enemies through walls, and sometimes even items too. In a way, this ability is a crutch. Being able to see enemies wherever they are takes out much of the stealth play. Instead of worry on whether or not there is an enemy around the corner, you can just see it coming. Rather bland. True, it can be really annoying trying to be stealthy when an enemy suddenly comes around the corner and spots you, but giving you the ability to see through walls gets boring. It would be better to make that ability reliant on an item that, when used, needs to be recharged. At least make it fair to the guards!
1. I Should Investigate Where It Landed and Not Where It Was Thrown
Here is a weird one. In some stealth games, you can throw items to distract enemies. Hitman and The Last of Us use this ability. Strange enough, even though I have often thrown an item close to a person, he proceeds to check the floor right next to him instead of trying to see where the brick came from. At times, this makes sense, since if they didn't see you throw it, it could be alright to simply walk around. But seriously, if the room only has a shelf and a bed and a brick comes flying by your head, I am sure you would be investigating like Batman on crack.
© 2017 Thomas Finney