When not working as a chemist and business manager, Jeremy enjoys gaming.
Final Fantasy's Unique Weapons
The Final Fantasy series is often praised for the unique designs of its protagonists and weapons. Most are mystical yet familiar and aesthetically appealing. Usually, the weapons make sense, too. Swords, axes, guns, and bows are natural on the battlefield. But occasionally, you'll run across some, uh, interesting styles of combating enemies. So, which inept weapons couldn't even beat a Moogle? These are the eight weirdest weapons in Final Fantasy!
8. Hope's Airwing
Used by: Hope (Final Fantasy 13)
Look, I'm no soldier, but even I question the wisdom of relying on a kid with a boomerang as a combat partner. Still, Hope and his blunt Airwing are somehow able to keep up with the other characters in the game, so I guess he's finding a way to make it work.
7. Cait Sith's Megaphone
Used by: Cait Sith (Final Fantasy 7)
Before we even discuss the weapon, let's take a look at Cait Sith, the odd talking cat from FF7. This guy is actually a robotic spy controlled by a government agent who rides a marshmallow-like creature into combat.
That's already ridiculous, but then factor in the megaphone, which Cait Sith uses to direct his companion in battle. I have no idea why Cait Sith needs the item; is Humpty Dumpty there hard of hearing or something? A weird weapon for a weird character riding another weird character.
6. Wakka's Blitzball
Used by: Wakka (Final Fantasy 10)
Maybe we're looking at this the wrong way. Rather than thinking these guys are idiots for using such mundane objects (like sports balls), perhaps they're super-powered aces who'd dominate if handed a real blade. Guardians like Auron and Tidus need swords to slay monsters; Wakka here does it with merchandise from Ye Old Academy Sports. And he's surprisingly capable with it, as its range lets him strike even aerial enemies without penalty.
5. Relm's Brushes
Used by: Relm (Final Fantasy 6)
This artists sketches enemies, creating copies that fight for you; the power of the duplicate depends on the strength of the foe being sketched. So sure, Relm's magic works wonders, but it's still odd seeing such a young girl enter combat at all, let alone armed with a darn paintbrush.
4. Lulu's Dolls
Used by: Lulu (Final Fantasy 10)
Wakka's love interest follows suit by using a variety of impractical weapons. Strange considering how practical Lulu tends to be. In the game, she fights using black magic, striking adversaries with a variety of elemental attacks. However, her physical attacks are (surprise surprise) incredibly weak. Gee, you're telling me that hitting monsters with dolls doesn't really damage them? No wonder Yuna and Rikku ditched you for Paine in FF10-2.
3. Deuce's Flute
Used by: Deuce (Final Fantasy Type-0)
The amusingly-named Deuce somehow summons orbs to use as projectiles with her musical instrument, though she is slow-moving and vulnerable while attacking. Still, she's actually one of the game's better characters as she has many abilities that heal and boost her allies. Well, at least the other members of her team use actual weapons, right?
2. Ace's Cards
Used by: Ace (Final Fantasy Type-0)
The next member of Class Zero fights using only a deck of cards, a la Gambit from X-Men. Ace repeatedly throws them as projectiles, making him an agile and ranged combatant, and they can even heal allies or restore MP—Ace is actually one of the game's best combatants.
Normally I'd feel nervous about following a guy who fights with playing cards into battle (especially in perhaps the grittiest FF game yet), but honestly, Ace makes it work.
1. Setzer's Dice
Used by: Setzer (Final Fantasy 6)
Like Ace, you can equip this gambler with cards, but why give him razor-sharp cutting tools when you can instead provide him a pair of dice, which he'll, uh, roll at enemies. And that's it. They don't blow up, they're not charged with energy, none of that fluff—Setzer simply tosses two small plastic cubes at any man-eating monster he faces.
The crazy part? Somehow, it works. Setzer's dice deal damage based on the numbers he rolls, and the higher amounts devastate foes. Plus, he obtains an upgraded form of the cubes called the Fixed Dice, which add another die to the mix, further increasing damage. I have no idea how small gambling tools decimate enemies, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
More Ridiculous Weapons
These absurd Final Fantasy weapons are fun to pick on, but keep giving 'em to us, Square—it's always awesome to slay dragons and conquer demons using everyday objects. Hey, the Kingdom Hearts games are a blast despite whacking things with the blunt side of a key, so why not dice and cards?
But for now, as we eagerly await Final Fantasy's next batch of ridiculous weapons, vote for your favorite and I'll see you at our next gaming countdown!
© 2015 Jeremy Gill
Jeremy Gill (author) from Louisiana on May 17, 2015:
Lol, the dolls and megaphone definitely wouldn't inflict much damage. I didn't put them in first place because the dolls are capable of moving by themselves (I imagine Lulu infuses them with magic; they're still weak though), and the megaphone could allow you to call for help. Still, they're pretty pathetic "weapons", no doubts about it.
TheCliffWalker on May 17, 2015:
I'm gonna have to say the megaphone or the dolls have got to be the most useless out of these in a real fight. The dice might hit someone's eyes, you could use the flute as a club, and getting jabbed with the harder end of a paintbrush would still hurt. But unless Lulu's dolls are Chucky's next reincarnation or you scream loud enough into that megaphone to become the next Dragonborn, they're both completely useless.