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Top 10 Funniest Final Fantasy Moments

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

The Final Fantasy series has its fair share of depressing moments and broody characters, but there are sprinklings of humour and silliness in there. Some games such as VI and IX are full of them, while others still have the odd humourous event. Either way, there are a lot of genuine laugh-out-loud moments in the series. One-liners, a hilarious wedding, and a dance sequence—here are my top 10 funniest Final Fantasy moments.

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

10. A Touching Reunion

An obscure moment perhaps but one that always made me laugh. During a flashback sequence where Aerith’s mother, Elmyra, is speaking of her tragic past to the main party, she’s waiting at a train station for her husband to return from war. She looks on jealously as a woman exits the train and runs into her boyfriend’s/husband’s arms. He proceeds to lift her into the air and spin her around before the two walk away.

Not long after that, an overweight man exits the train (can you guess where this is going?) and runs into his girlfriend’s/wife’s arms. Hilariously, she picks him up and spins him around before they also walk away.

A blink-and-miss-it moment but funny all the same.

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

9. "Your Moms Would be Ashamed of You!"

When you arrive at the Thunder Plains in X, you discover that Rikku is terrified of lightning; she screams whenever there’s a crack and a flash in the sky. There’s a scene before you reach the inn where she really freaks out, crawling across the ground to clutch Tidus’ leg before pleading with the party to rest at the inn.

The funniest part, however, is when Rikku is standing outside the inn door. You can choose to walk away from her and she’ll proceed to stop you in your tracks, begging you to reconsider resting. You can walk away around four to five times until you finally leave the screen. She then shouts "your moms would be ashamed of you!" which causes Auron to finally relent, claiming that Rikku is “worse than the storm.”

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

8. "You Spoony Bard!"

This infamous line from IV is uttered by the mage, Tellah, to the bard, Edward; during a battle.

What is a spoony bard? A result of a translation error, supposedly—the word “spoony” means “silly or foolish” person. What makes it so funny is that it comes from such a serious, straight-faced character like Tellah.

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

7. The Chocobro's Banter

Even people who were disappointed with XV seem to collectively agree that the four bros were the best part of the game; their relationship was one of the highlights. Particularly great was their banter throughout the game. Bad puns, sex jokes, toilet humour, chocobo gags—it’s all here. The open world may have been a little empty in parts but the boys’ banter kept you entertained throughout.

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

6. Balthier's Many One-Liners

XII’s cast was lacking… personality, to say the least, but Balthier almost more than made up for it. It's as if when the game was almost finalised, they realised they’d forgotten to add any other characters and so they scrambled together a bunch of generic, bland characters drawn out of a hat.

I’m joking, obviously, but it’s true that Balthier gets the best dialogue in the game. Here are a few of my favourite lines from “The Leading Man”:

“I always knew Fran didn’t take well to being tied up.”

“With each passing day, the world finds new and exciting ways to kill a man.”

“Well, at least your sword is to the point.”

“Should I swear by your sword or some such?”

Vaan: “Balthier, are you and that Jules guy close?”

Balthier: “Close enough for fisticuffs.”

Vaan: “No, you won’t! I found it—it’s mine!”

Balthier: “And when I take it from you, it will be mine.”

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

5. Cloud's Dance Number

One of the biggest questions when Final Fantasy VII Remake was announced was how would they handle the whole Wall Market section? In the original, Cloud must disguise himself as a woman to gain access to Don Corneo’s mansion. In the remake, it was the same scenario; however, the whole process was a lot more elaborate with Cloud having to perform a dance number. The most hilarious part is the fact that Cloud somehow knows the routine perfectly, despite not having practised.

Like a typical rhythm game, buttons flash up on the screen and you must press them at the correct time. It’s quite the sight watching Cloud, a usually uptight, stoic character shaking his thing. The cherry on top is Aerith giggling and clapping with excitement in the crowd. I had a smile on my face the entire time as I’m sure most players did.

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

4. "Mr. Thou"

VI is known for its hilarious translation, and “Mr. Thou” is one of many funny lines uttered throughout the game.

Cyan and Sabin run into Gau in the area called the Veldt. Cyan is known for his traditional English speech, such as using the word “thou”. Gau—a character with limited speech—starts to mimic Cyan, jumping around the area repeatedly shouting “thou!”. Much to Sabin’s annoyance, Gau bestows the nickname “Mr. Thou” to him. The funny scene ends with Sabin chasing Gau from the screen.

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

3. Vivi's and Quina's Wedding

IX is often regarded as the funniest Final Fantasy game, and it has finally made the list. This is one of many hilarious scenes in the game.

To gain entry to a place the dwarves of Conde Petite call “Sanctuary”, Zidane and Garnet must get married. To Zidane’s surprise, Garnet agrees to it and the ceremony takes place. Now they believe they can access Sanctuary with no issue, but there’s a problem: Vivi and Quina. You now have two choices: decide what to do later (which results in Vivi and Quina simply sneaking in) or suggest that the two of them also get married. Vivi is a tiny black mage and Quina is a frogeating, sumo, clown chef.

In any other game (especially in JRPGs where your “choices” are often not choices at all), this suggestion would probably be met with shock and then brushed aside. In Final Fantasy IX, however, it actually happens.

The exact same scene plays out but with Vivi and Quina in Zidane's and Garnet’s positions. After the ceremony, Quina hilariously says “I… so happy” and Vivi replies with “m-me too”. Quina proceeds to take a couple of steps towards Vivi, presumably to jump on him, but then are distracted by something off-screen

And thus ends one of the funniest optional scenes in a Final Fantasy game.

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

2. Ultros

How odd that one of the main antagonists of VI is a purple octopus—but that’s one of the reasons it’s so funny. Replace Team Rocket with just a purple octopus (or a purple Octillery, if you like) and you have Ultros in a nutshell. He appears, spouts something witty and then is sent packing on his way. “Don’t tease the octopus, kids!” He pleads. And then when you fry him with a fire spell, he squeals: “Seafood soup!”

Ultros is one of the funniest characters in the series, and he leaves an impression on anyone who plays the game.

top-10-funniest-final-fantasy-moments

1. The Love Letter

If I could show just one scene from IX to prove how funny and charming it is, it would be this one. The setup and payoff are just perfection.

It all starts with Eiko writing a love letter to her crush, Zidane (which is funny in itself). On the way to deliver it, Baku, the leader of Tantalus, accidentally walks into her, knocking her from the castle balcony. Hanging from it (not as graphic as it sounds), she drops her letter and requests that Baku deliver the letter himself. But everything goes wrong once again as Baku drops it at the dock, only for General Beatrix to stumble across it.

Later, Eiko is waiting at the dock. Full of regret, she decides to leave before Zidane shows up. But she is forced into hiding when Zidane’s friends, Blank and Marcus show up. Supposedly, the letter had fallen into Blank’s hands and now he believes a mystery woman is waiting for him at the dock. As they also go into hiding, Blank drops the letter. Steiner, who is on his nightly patrol of the castle, comes across it. Beatrix shows up and she and Steiner stare into each other's eyes. Blank, Marcus and Eiko wait expectedly. But then…

“ACHOOOOO!”

Baku shows up to ruin the scene.

I’ve played IX a thousand times and this scene never fails to make me laugh. The setup, the characters and the coincidental circumstance they find themselves in all come together to create, in my opinion, the funniest scene in the Final Fantasy series.

© 2022 James Author