Top Ten Weirdest Pokémon
The Pokemon series is, by its very nature, kind of weird. A world populated by animals which, despite their incredible sizes, can fit into tiny balls no bigger than a rock? Madness. Not only that, every pokémon trainer in the franchise engages in what amounts to gleeful, legalized cockfighting - and this is seen as educational! Go figure.
Morality aside, Pokémon plays host to a lot of oddball designs which have only gotten stranger with age. This is bound to happen when you strap wings and springs and boxing gloves onto normal animals, and to some extent virtually every pokémon could go on this list.
But they're not here. No, this is for the top ten weirdest, the cream-of-the-crop strange, those elite few who always manage to drive one question into a player's mind: 'What were they thinking?'
A three-headed whack-a-mole creature that's apparently pissed a lot of the time? Okay, Nintendo, whatever you say. Dugtrio is a standout weirdo from the fairly run-of-the-mill first generation of Pokémon, its existence raising more questions than it answers. What does it look like under the ground? Is it, in fact, simply a small gang of irate Diglets, or a single creature growing out of a body so hideous it can't be shown out of the dirt? And how can you possibly deploy these creatures when fighting on the water, or in a building? Do they cause massive property damage whenever they're thrown out of their balls and immediately dig big holes in the ground? Freakish, says I.
Xatu wouldn't be up here at all if it weren't for those eyes, those weird, MayanAztecOlmecwhatever eyes. According to Pokedex descriptions of Xatu, it can see the past and the future at the same time, which may explain why it also never moves and spends its days staring at the sun. This is a pokémon bound to have some serious mental problems - and even if you don't know those extra tidbits, you gotta admit, Xatu is unnerving. I dare you to stare into the pixelized pupils of your Xatu for a few moments and NOT think it's looking back at you, through the screen. It knows, Billy, it knows.
The odd palindrome name aside, Girafarig appears to be some sort of unholy abomination dressed up as a cutesy creature. The front half isn't so bad; just an unassuming giraffe. But then you reach the back half, where a leering, smiling little face forms the tail. That face is planning, scheming, plotting a foul revenge at which the front half can probably barely guess. I envision Girafarig as the failed spawn of Marvel's Venom symbiote: it tried to take over a giraffe, but for some reason it just wasn't strong enough to cover more than the giraffe's butt. Life carried on from there.
I don't even know what this thing is. The Pokedex calls it a 'land snake pokemon', and I'm skeptical as to what that means. There aren't a ton of snakes that live on the water, and of the myriad that exist on land, NONE of them resemble this. Why does its tail look like a drill? Is it for digging? And what's with the tiny wings? It's clearly not about to fly anywhere. Dunsparce barely appears to be cognizant of its own existence. This is a pokémon embryo, a creature that was meant to be something greater - yet it never evolved past weirdness. Given its effectiveness in battle, Dunsparce probably never will, either.
(Hint: Give it an evolution already, Nintendo. C'mon, it could look really cool.)
Wormadam's preevolution, Burmy, looks kinda odd on its own. That's understandable, too, as pokémon young'uns usually are a bit out of sorts. That's no excuse for Wormadam to turn into... this... whatever this is... basically a bush with eyes and one giant antenna-stem. Why doesn't this thing look more like its male counterpart, Mothim? Do you think an elegant moth would want to mate with a Wormadam in order to perpetuate the species? How would that even work?!
The fourth generation took several old-school pokémon and gave them second- or third-tier evolutions. A few worked out; most were... well, they were a bit like Lickylicky. Lickitung was already a weird pokémon, but apparently not weird enough for Nintendo. Now, whenever we want to play with a giant-tongued normal-type, we get this bloated beach ball with built-in neck ruff and inverted wi-fi signal. What's with its hands? How can it do ANYTHING with those criminally tiny fingers?
I don't know where to begin.
Nintendo's conjured up several water- and ground-types over the years, and they all look weird. None quite manage to live up to the latest in the line, however, this weirdness some men call Seismitoad. This rotund, horribly-bloodshot creature appears to be covered in curling stones, which, says the Pokedex, vibrate and increase the strength of Seismitoad's attacks. If I were Seismitoad I'd be more worried that they're cancerous and ready to pop.
If there's one pokémon that appears to be screaming 'I'm suffering, please let me die' in every picture, it's Garbodor. A mishappen beast composed entirely of refuse and funk (not the good funk), Garbodor probably serves as Hell's gas station attendant in its off hours. Seriously, look at that gas pump in its arm. That must hurt. Also, why does it have little pom-pom pigtails on its head? Were those a last-ditch attempt to make it cute after the artist realized the extent of his mistakes?
A two-headed, happy, floating ice cream cone.
Yeah, we're done here.